Stewarding the Gift of Sleep
I used to stay up until the early morning hours when my family got together for holidays. The night before Thanksgiving, a few of us would prepare stuffing and turkey for the next day while others chatted around the table in the eat-in kitchen. Late on Christmas nights, we’d sip leftover eggnog and eat the final few slices of Swedish Tea Ring while we laughed, cried, and told all the same stories we’ve been telling for years.
Eventually, someone would stop denying their drooping eyelids, and we’d make our way to bed. Back then I could stay up late, because I was kid-free and a lot more carefree. I didn’t have to worry about a sick child climbing under my covers or a baby who wouldn’t sleep or pregnancy insomnia. I could avoid sleep if I chose to, because it would most likely be there when I wanted it.
Three pregnancies and four kids later, life looks a little different. My youngest was born a couple weeks before Christmas, so that year sure wasn’t sleep-filled. There have been other seasons when sleep has been hard, too: the Christmas my mom was diagnosed with cancer, the next Christmas when my dad was in the hospital with cancer, the Christmas I struggled the most with anxiety and depression. During those times, I’d toss and turn with worry. Or I’d endlessly scroll to cope. Or I’d give up altogether and walk down to the family room to watch TV, because laying awake in bed drove me mad.
Sleep can be one of the most frustrating things when we don’t get it and the most life-giving when we do. It’s something we sometimes choose to forgo, and sometimes it’s taken from us. Around the busyness of the holidays, with late nights, travel, endless preparations, and that pesky New Year’s Eve holiday, sleep (or lack thereof) can often feel like a burden and frustration.
But in Psalm 127, the author, Solomon, speaks of sleep differently. In this psalm, sleep isn’t a burden. It’s a gift we are meant to steward.
Solomon says in verses one and two:
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.
These verses don’t promise eight consecutive hours of rest every night. But what these verses do tell us is that we have a God who is always working. A few chapters earlier in Psalm 121, the author tells us that the LORD “will neither slumber nor sleep.” The fact that God doesn’t sleep and we do tells us a whole lot about who he is and who we are. We are his finite creatures meant to depend on the infinite Creator.
Eugene Peterson said, “Psalm 127 insists on a perspective in which our effort is at the periphery and God’s work is at the center.”[1] What does it look like to live out that truth in our actual lives, especially during the chaotic holiday season? How do we steward the gift of sleep––no matter how much of it we’re getting? We don’t get all of God’s gifts in equal measure to the next person, and sleep is the same. But are we doing the best with what we have?
Here are three questions that may be helpful to think through when it comes to sleep:
Am I missing out on sleep because I insist on anxiously toiling? Or is this lack of sleep part of doing the work God’s called me to do in this particular season?
When we sleep, we set aside our agendas and our to-do lists. We work hard throughout the day, but there comes a point when we have to say, “That’s enough for today.” Are we able to say that? Are we able to come to the end of the day with our hands open to God and surrender all that’s been done and left undone?
“Am I missing out on sleep because I insist on anxiously toiling?”
“Unless the LORD builds,” the psalmist says. God is the one who brings fruit from our labor. If you feel like you’re running around like a headless chicken, what would it look like for you to slow down and surrender? What would it look like for you to lay your head on your pillow and pray, “God, that’s all I have for today. Would you do something with it?”
There are seasons when sleep feels especially difficult. And for those with chronic illness, insomnia, kids with major medical issues, or certain professions, sleeplessness can be your norm. It seems like a gift everyone else got except you. But know that God is not holding out on you, and he can and will sustain you in your exhaustion. Plead with him for the physical rest you need, and no matter how he answers, trust that if he’s called you to a particular work or season, your labor is not in vain.
2. Am I struggling with sleep because I’m plagued by worry?
I have spent more nights than I can count staring at my bedroom ceiling and working out every possible scenario to whatever life problem I faced at the time. The “what if” questions hound me at night. Anxiety seems louder when the world gets quiet. But sleep is an act of surrender, a chance to pray, “God, you are in control and I am not.” Again, back to Psalm 127: He builds the house. He watches over the city, so you don’t have to.[2]
3. Am I stewarding my kids’ sleep well?
(This one relates mostly to parents with younger kids, but it’s worth thinking about for anyone who will be having littles in their home this holiday season. If you’re a grandparent, aunt or uncle, or friend, and you’ll be having other people’s kids in your house, consider how you can help, not hinder, parents as they navigate their kids’ sleep situations.)
Just the other night, we let our kids stay up extra late. We were having a great time with neighbors, a few of whom we recently met. The kids ran around playing together and it was one of those nights when you lose track of time. At some point, I glanced at my watch and realized, “Oh my goodness! It’s way past their bedtime!” We herded the kids up to bed as quickly as we could–and the next day was a disaster. They were cranky, overtired, lethargic. My kids need their sleep.
Fortunately, we didn’t have much else on our calendar. We had a low key night the next night, put them to bed a little earlier than normal, and no one was worse for the wear in the long run. In the busyness of the holiday season, though, that recovery time can be hard to come by. Sometimes one event gets piled on the next and we all end up starting the new year far more exhausted than we’d like.
But what does it look like in your family to steward your kids’ sleep? Does it mean you have to set boundaries with extended family who expect you to stay out until all hours of the night? Maybe you and your kids love staying up late on New Year’s Eve. We did this often when I was growing up, and we made memories I’ll cherish forever. But I also know everyone in our family needed time to recover from those late nights. What might that recovery time look like in your family?
We have a God who cares so deeply about his children that he’s provided us with means to rest. Just as he’s given us gifts like food and finances and abilities to steward, he gives us sleep. And that sleep is not only a time to be physically refreshed, but it’s also a time to remember that it is our Maker who sustains us.
There’s no need for anxious toil, no need for worry, no need for us to enter ourselves and our families in the holiday rat race. What a gift.
[1] Eugene H. Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 2000), 112.
[2] For the sake of brevity, I don’t have time to address more severe anxiety. But know that I’m not necessarily speaking here of clinical anxiety or other serious mental health issues that can keep us awake at night.
